Wheels of Misfortune

The smell of braai permeated the air. Latest R&B tracks rocking the Lugz and Umgeni Road is laced with teenagers waiting for the dragz to start. Fast Blast Aru is racing his long-time nemesis Side Track Mana. Chatsworth lass Kumari Runaway flags them off. Within seconds the screaming crowd is silenced…

The crowd sees the explosion before they hear the KA-BOOM! Fast Blast Aru and his whip are up in smoke. No chance for that litie! Next thing, one Highway Shiela kind screech rings in the air,’ NOOOOOOOOR not my Aru, Aruuuuuuu!’ When it started registering with the ous what happened they started running to see if there was anything left of Aru and to keep his girlfriend Shaamila from jumping in the fire.

Fast Blast Aru was gone. The ous watching the dragz were finished. They felt empty and hurt. Fast Blast Aru was a popular outie. Everyone started accusing Side Track Mana and they took their bushknife for him. From driving the track, Side Track Mana was now running it. Within the hour the CSI team reached the scene. Kala and Leela decided to head to the boot bars to get some eyewitness accounts while the chief questioned Side Track Mana.

The only problem with going to scout the boot bars for witnesses, was that everyone was already drunk, especially since they now needed to make every shot a toast to Fast Blast Aru! Meanwhile Side Track Mana was behaving like a new one while the Chief tried to question him. Being pushed to the limit, the chief threatened to call Side Track Mana ‘s Ma if he didn’t co-operate.‘Ure, Badro bra, don’t let them call your ma, she gonna clap you one solid!’ warned Jeff, one of Side Track Mana’s bra’s.

Side Track Mana refused to co-operate and was behaving like a tinfish, thanking his lucky stars he never die. On the verge of smacking Side Track Mana, the chief called in Kala to extract intelligence from him. It emerged that Fast Blast Aru was well on his way to winning the race. All Side Track Mana could see moments before the crash was Fast Blast Aru was on the phone and the next thing he was gone. Imbibing this information Kala discussed this with the team and handed a warrant to the mobile operator (PA-TEL) to see if they could get any clue as to who called. Within days the information received was mind-boggling to say the least. Moments before his tragic death, Fast Blast Aru received a call from Durban Betting Kingpin, Basdeo Ethan Thanga (BET), who is so scary his shadow runs in the other direction.

Following up on the lead was Bala and Kala. What Kala didn’t know was that Bala had asked to accompany her. (But now all yoll naankataai’s with the gutter brains need to calm down, it’s nothing like what yoll thinking.) When they arrived at the bar called ‘Place your Bets’, owned by BET, Bala walked right up to BET and had a stand-off. Kala a little concerned that things might get ugly, was ready to draw her gat. But then Bala and BET started laughing like loons and started hugging each other. ‘Ey connection, what kine man, where you been hiding, your ma and them came for supper the other day, but you think you gone to big now?’ complained Bala.

Caught totally off guard, Kala was surprised to learn that BET and Bala were second cousins. No longer afraid, Kala began questioning BET. Assured by Bala that BET will be honest, BET went on to explain that he called Fast Blast Aru to arrange for him an entire a new form of wheel barrow racing. He was being recruited as a driver for his team. Kala, taken aback pressed on about the racing and learnt that the barrows would be equipped with engines. Left with nothing suspicious Kala and Bala left Place Your Bet and went back to the office.


Back at headquarters, Bala and Kala walked into chaos. A suspect in Fast Blast Aru’s murder and a case of mistaken identity was throwing punches and shouting that he would only speak to his cherry, Kala. Kala walked up to him smacked him upside his head. “Ey Naina, shut up man!’ And then she slapped him downside the head and said, ‘And I am not your cherry, orite! Now what’s wrong?’

Naina was going off his head and screaming and shouting. Kala managed to calm him down by promising him a “special” dinner. Naina gave a chilling account of what he witnessed the night Fast Blast Aru died. He claims he saw a woman doing some work under Fast Blast Aru ‘s car and she kind of looked like she didn’t belong. Springing the sketch artist into action the Chief put out a BOLO (not bola naankataai’s BOLO) and handed the sketch to the media. Within hours the CSI team had a solid lead. With surveillance in place the team descended on the home of…

Manjari ‘Panjari Queen’ Pillay was sitting in her lounge eating, what else but… panjari. Her mother Sanjari was cooking mango curry in the kitchen and her sister Banjari was making doof doof with the sound system in her car. Banajri’s car was supped up and looked like it could dalla in any drag. According to some of the ous Manjari was one top mechanic, even though she was one cherry an all.

Manjari was hauled to the station for questioning. She was shocked beyond words that she was the chief suspect. She claimed she was asked to tamper with the brake line. A day before the race she received a call to tamper with Fast Blast Aru’s brakes or her family would suffer the consequence and she would never eat panjari again.” Ayooooh amma” she had to comply. The call was traced and led to Toon-Toon-Wa Ghosh, Basdeo Ethan Thanga’s right hand man. A puzzled CSI team headed back to BET’s premises.

Bala was not impressed with his connection. As soon as they reached the bar, he took his cousin on.

‘Ey chuthia, why you lying and all to me, me bra, you own connection? What I’m gonna tell you ma when they take you to jail for obstruction of justice? Hah, what I’m gonna say?’ yelled Bala. BET was stunned by his cousin’s outburst, ‘Listen yah cuz, I nava lie, Fast Blast Aru was going to be my top driver, why I’m gonna kill him?’ ‘I don’t know but we just got information that you ordered tampering with his whip, ‘ said Bala. ‘An oo told you that?’ asked BET. Leela’s phone rang and she moved away to answer it. As she put the phone done she walked to the fighting cousins and said, ‘Bala, it seems your connection is telling the truth. That was the chief on the phone. He says the brakes were fine in the car, but they found traces of panjari in the NOS tanks and that is what caused the explosion.’

A now rather perturbed CSI team brought Manjari back for questioning. Upon realising her game was up, she confessed that Toon-Toon-Wa Ghosh and her were trying to frame BET as they wanted to rule the Wheel Barrow Racing Circuit. Charged with first degree murder, Manjari took the plea bargain on condition that she see Toon-Toon-Wa Ghosh monthly to make little Toon-Toon Wee babies and she gets panjari every day.

Toon-Toon-Wa Ghosh was clapped solid by his boss BET and then when he went way jail BET made sure Manjari’s dream of little Toon-Toon-Wa’s would nava come true. Budro Manjari!